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The Gingerbread Man Chronicles

 
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Chris-V981



Joined: 27 Apr 2013
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 3:16 am    Post subject: The Gingerbread Man Chronicles Reply with quote

Hi! i have a new webcomic called The Gingerbread Man Chronicles. it's a story of an unlikely little hero, fighting the forces of darkness in a small town of silver ridge. updates on Wednesdays. take a look at it and let me know what you think!
[URL="http://gingerbreadmanchronicles.cfw.me/"][/URL]
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MindChimera



Joined: 03 Feb 2013
Posts: 310

PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 5:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love how your story starts with a very pretty retelling of the Gingerbread Man story. Very Happy It starts just like a children's book, which is exactly how people are going to remember that story, and I think that was a really nice touch.

One thing I would really suggest: on the website, you've changed the mouse-over for links to the pointer-arrow with the question mark. I know it's fun to customize things like that on websites, but you're actually making your site less user-friendly by changing things from what your readers will expect. The images you're using for your navigation are a bit hard to read too, and you may be better off with text.

You do the manga-style paneling well and this story has a really fun premise. I think your grammar could use some work, but the pages look great.
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Chris-V981



Joined: 27 Apr 2013
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MindChimera wrote:
I love how your story starts with a very pretty retelling of the Gingerbread Man story. Very Happy It starts just like a children's book, which is exactly how people are going to remember that story, and I think that was a really nice touch.

One thing I would really suggest: on the website, you've changed the mouse-over for links to the pointer-arrow with the question mark. I know it's fun to customize things like that on websites, but you're actually making your site less user-friendly by changing things from what your readers will expect. The images you're using for your navigation are a bit hard to read too, and you may be better off with text.

You do the manga-style paneling well and this story has a really fun premise. I think your grammar could use some work, but the pages look great.


thank you very much! i'm glad you like it and thanks for the honest critique. any advice you can give is always appreciated. also, could you elaborate on the bad grammar, please?
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MindChimera



Joined: 03 Feb 2013
Posts: 310

PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are some minor mistakes that are peppered throughout the story. The annoying thing about grammar and spelling is it's easy to make a mistake, and even if they are few and far between, they're really noticeable when they happen.

I'll pick on this page since it has a number of mistakes.

"But, eventually, Gin's fifteen minutes of fame were over." (Removed a comma after "fame" and changed "was" to "were.")
"Even though Gin Carlson's popularity stopped..." (Removed a comma after "popularity" and changed period to ellipsis, because this is an incomplete sentence.)
"His dream of being a hero never did." (Removed a comma after "hero.")
"When Gin finally enrolled in school, he met his first friend, Paul Perez... as he was being bullied by Raymond Jung." (Improper tense use, changed to no longer be a run-on sentence by adding an ellipsis.)
"This angered Gin very much." (Removed comma after "Gin.")

If you aren't doing this already, I have a couple of suggestions to help:

1. If you have Microsoft Word or some other word processor, you can type your script there first, and use the spelling/grammar checker. While these aren't perfect, sometimes they're good enough to get your to notice what you've missed.
OpenOffice is a free word processor that has a spelling/grammar checker, if you need one. If you don't want to install anything, you can do a search for an online spell checker.

2. Read your script out loud. When you read in your head, it can be easy for your mind to auto-correct what a word should be. Saying it out loud can help you trip over your mistakes, so you can change them to read better.
I would take a break in between working on your page and proof-reading it. Looking at it with a fresh mind will help you catch your mistakes.

All in all, I think you're off to a good start.
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Chris-V981



Joined: 27 Apr 2013
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 1:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MindChimera wrote:
There are some minor mistakes that are peppered throughout the story. The annoying thing about grammar and spelling is it's easy to make a mistake, and even if they are few and far between, they're really noticeable when they happen.

I'll pick on this page since it has a number of mistakes.

"But, eventually, Gin's fifteen minutes of fame were over." (Removed a comma after "fame" and changed "was" to "were.")
"Even though Gin Carlson's popularity stopped..." (Removed a comma after "popularity" and changed period to ellipsis, because this is an incomplete sentence.)
"His dream of being a hero never did." (Removed a comma after "hero.")
"When Gin finally enrolled in school, he met his first friend, Paul Perez... as he was being bullied by Raymond Jung." (Improper tense use, changed to no longer be a run-on sentence by adding an ellipsis.)
"This angered Gin very much." (Removed comma after "Gin.")

If you aren't doing this already, I have a couple of suggestions to help:

1. If you have Microsoft Word or some other word processor, you can type your script there first, and use the spelling/grammar checker. While these aren't perfect, sometimes they're good enough to get your to notice what you've missed.
OpenOffice is a free word processor that has a spelling/grammar checker, if you need one. If you don't want to install anything, you can do a search for an online spell checker.

2. Read your script out loud. When you read in your head, it can be easy for your mind to auto-correct what a word should be. Saying it out loud can help you trip over your mistakes, so you can change them to read better.
I would take a break in between working on your page and proof-reading it. Looking at it with a fresh mind will help you catch your mistakes.

All in all, I think you're off to a good start.

thank you! i'll keep that in mind.
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Chris-V981



Joined: 27 Apr 2013
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Wed May 15, 2013 5:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Check out the latest page of The Gingerbread Man Chronicles!
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mcmasters



Joined: 28 Jun 2012
Posts: 436

PostPosted: Wed May 15, 2013 5:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Like MindChimera said, the poor grammar and spelling hurt. One of each on your most recent page.

---

www.mcmasterscomics.com
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Chris-V981



Joined: 27 Apr 2013
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 5:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

mcmasters wrote:
Like MindChimera said, the poor grammar and spelling hurt. One of each on your most recent page.

---

www.mcmasterscomics.com


yeah, sorry. I'm currently working on it. thanks for reading it, though.
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mcmasters



Joined: 28 Jun 2012
Posts: 436

PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 12:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like the art and I like the character.
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topjimcomics



Joined: 10 Sep 2012
Posts: 67

PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 5:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A good "rule of thumb" to use for commas is to say the sentence out loud, pause 2-3 seconds every place you have a comma, and then see how it sounds.

Good work! I also like the art and the character.
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Chris-V981



Joined: 27 Apr 2013
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 2:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

topjimcomics wrote:
A good "rule of thumb" to use for commas is to say the sentence out loud, pause 2-3 seconds every place you have a comma, and then see how it sounds.

Good work! I also like the art and the character.


thanks! i'll try that! and i took a look at your comic, too. looks good. robots are always awesome!
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