I think it's a very straight-forward presentation. I didn't see any warning flags that you usually see in this kind of proposal- you know, the one's where you think "Geez, if you can't write a post, how are you going to be able to write...?"
There isn't enough revealed in the story to get me salivating (if I were an artist considering the job) but I suspect the problem is you don't want to throw too much out there if you feel you have a really original or interesting premise. Understandable, and I don't have an answer. I would say it's enough to make me contact you to get a fuller summary and some sample chapters.
The philosophy section concerns me a bit. It reads a bit quirky, as if you're dancing around something. "The story doesn't push a certain ideological agenda...except it does!" My understanding is the story is going to have an anti-big brother mood, and getting involved with an artist of opposite inclinations could be a headache later. Could be. But anyway my two cents is the "philosophy" section isn't as clear as the rest of your proposal.
Good luck! jerry