TWCL

[RedRaine]

Sup everyone! I recently joined the world of webcomic creation (as a writer not an artist sadly T_T) and have made one with the help of a few friends. Now I'm wondering what I can do to improve it. I'm trying all I can to, at the very least, get it in the one hundreds. At least more stable than fluctuating in and out. So... Please, critique as freely as you feel. Not just on things I've done badly, but things I can do better in the future.


Well, thanks for reading all that. Now I present: SD!

www.somewheredifferent.webs.com

[Kail]

RedRaine wrote:

I'm trying all I can to, at the very least, get it in the one hundreds.

I'm not sure what this refers to... a hundred uniques a day? Hovering around 100th place on TWCL or topwebcomics or something? Finish a hundred pages? Although I suppose it doesn't really matter from the point of view of random forum guy making observations on it.

So, here they are:

I can probably whine about your art all day, if you want to listen to that, but since you're the writer I suspect you don't really care. Anyway, it looks like your artist is on the right track, at the very least, and you've got a solid grip on where to go.

The story I'm less sold on. Maybe because it's so early, but I don't really see where this comic is going. As far as I can see, you have 12 pages, right? P1 is the title. P2 and P3, as far as I can tell, is a one off about two guys sitting down to create a webcomic, but the webcomic is never mentioned again after this. Then The Girl shows up, and sits down. Then they get up and leave. They walk around and we get a summer afternoon-ish montage for a few pages. The main guy complains that they didn't do anything interesting all summer, and goes home. Then he says 'hi' to his sister, and that's the whole story up until now.

So, thus far, I'd say the story is a bit meandering. I assume it's supposed to be a light drama thing, but aside from (probably) both guys liking the girl, I don't see the conflict or anything. Is there some overarching plot? Some big conflict or theme you're trying to convey? I'd say you really could use a hook. When a reader first comes to your comic, you're not sure if they'll stick around or not, so you need to hit them right away with something that draws them into the story. Once you've got them hooked, then you can mess around (to a degree) with jokes and back story, but you need to get them interested first.

(Also, I checked out the cast page, is it intentional that Mark and his sister are both the same age, even though she calls him "big brother"?)

Anyway, looks neat so far, it'll be interesting to see where you go with it

[RedRaine]

Ehehe. Thanks for checking it out ^_^

Ummm.. I'm going for at least being in the hundreds ranking wise. 100-199 ish. Cause I've been going between 178 and 206. >_< I want a more stable ranking.

I know the story is slow, but I'm trying to make it.. as real as possible. The entire thing is actually a gender bending story, as cliche as they are >_<. Nothing happens until a little later on when... well. it actually happens.

I agree totally on needing a hook early on, but I'm a little lost on how too. I'm sorta hoping the tg-ness of it later on will hook people in.

It's still way too early to be expecting any praise, that much I know. But I wanna get any problems with the art, bubbles, pace, character building, over as soon as possible.

My biggest worry is if having a few pages with no words is actually a good idea. >_> I'm really wondering if I should at least add some text in there.

Oh. Hint. Mary isn't his sister.

[t_catt11]

I agree, the story does appear to be a bit meandering. I'm waiting for something to happen.

The above can be chalked up to taste, however - no problem.

When I tried to close your comic, I got a popup warning me that your page was attempting to direct me elsewhere. This is a huge big no-no! I would never, ever regularly read anything on a site that is trying to hijack my browser. You may want to rethink this.
_________________
Power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat!



a D&D webcomic. Beware the puns!

[RedRaine]

Ahahah. ^_^ Yeah. That happens to me too. If I try going between pages when it doesn't fully load I always get that annoying pop-up.

It's a problem with webs.com itself. I'm thinking of moving to a new provider, but can't pick. >_<